How to Pray When You Don’t Know What to Say

Hello darlings, how are you?

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had a couple of questions individually from different people about prayer, and it actually prompted me to pause the series we’ve been doing and deliver this Bible study instead. Because sometimes we say, “Just pray about it,” but actually, has anybody ever really shown you how?

So let me tell you something, prayer does not need to sound impressive. You don’t need to have all the right words, you don’t need to sound like the woman in church who can pray for 50 minutes straight without stopping, speak in tongues and quote Scripture after Scripture. And you definitely don’t need to know 50 Scriptures off by heart before you can start speaking to God.

You just need to talk to Him.

That was really the heart of our Bible study this week because we hear, “Pray about it,” “Take it to God,” or “Have you prayed?” all the time, but nobody always explains what that actually looks like, and sometimes people just don’t teach you.

Darling, God is not sitting there with a scorecard marking your prayer out of ten. Prayer isn’t a performance, it’s communication with God, it’s a relationship, you’re talking to your Father.

And if you don’t know how to pray, you’re actually in very good company. In Luke 11:1, one of Jesus’ disciples literally says, “Lord, teach us to pray.” These were the people walking with Jesus (his besties) and even they asked Him, “How do we actually do this?”

When Jesus teaches them, He begins, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name...” (Matthew 6:9). Remember the Lord’s Prayer from school? It’s that! And I think that gives us our starting point…

Before we get to what we want, what we need, who has annoyed us and what situation we desperately need God to sort out, we start with who He is.

He is our Father, our Creator, our Lord and our Shepherd. So I might simply start, “Dear Lord, I come before you today...” There is no special wording you have to use. I’m simply acknowledging who I’m speaking to.

Before You Ask, Say Thank You

The next thing I personally do is give thanks. Before I get into everything going on in my life, I acknowledge what God has already done because there is ALWAYS something to thank Him for.

Of course, some weeks that’s easy. You got the job, passed the qualification, the contract came through or something you’ve been praying for finally happened. But what about when you’re heartbroken, angry, disappointed or still waiting?

You still thank Him.

Sometimes it might simply be, “Lord, thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you that I got through this week. Thank you that although things are difficult, I’m still standing.” Ephesians 5:20 tells us to give thanks to God, so don’t only thank Him for something new. Remember what He has already done and what He has already brought you through.

Darling, Be Honest

This is a big one for me. Why do we try to tidy ourselves up before speaking to God? He already knows.

If you’re angry, tell Him. If you’re confused, tell Him. If you’re disappointed or absolutely fuming, say it. Psalm 62:8 says, “Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” You don’t need to give God the edited, polished version.

And before you react to something, pray. You know when somebody has annoyed you and you’ve already typed the paragraph, read it twice and sent it to your friend who said, “Yep, send it”? 😂 Put the phone down for a minute.

“Lord, I’m angry. Help me respond rather than react. Do I address this, wait, forgive, or leave it alone?”

Sometimes prayer won’t change the person who annoyed you, but it will change how you deal with them.

Yes, You Can Ask God for Things

Darling, you can ask God for what you want. Philippians 4:6 tells us to present our requests to Him. Pray about the job, business, marriage, children, money, house, health or whatever is on your heart.

But there is a difference between telling God what you desire and handing Him your completed plan and asking Him to sign it off.

Jesus prayed in Matthew 26:39, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

That means being able to say, “Lord, this is genuinely what I want, but if it isn’t what you have for me, I don’t want to force it.”

That’s hard because when we want something, we WANT it. But now you’re not just asking God to give you what you want, you’re asking Him to lead you.

And this is why Scripture matters. If I need wisdom, James 1:5 tells me to ask God for it, so I can literally pray, “Lord, your Word says that if I lack wisdom I should ask you, so I’m asking. Show me what to do.”

If you’re anxious, read Philippians 4:6-7. If you need guidance, Proverbs 3:5-6. If you’re waiting, Isaiah 40:31. Read your Bible and understand the verses you’re using because we’re not using Scripture to try and force a particular outcome from God, we’re allowing His Word to shape what we’re asking Him for.

And Sometimes, you just need to shut up a minute

I mean this politely of course, but this is where a lot of us, including me, can do better. We pray, “Lord, give me guidance. Show me what to do. Help me hear you clearly.” Then say “Amen”, pick up our phone and start scrolling…

Darling, you gave Him approximately four seconds 😂.

Sometimes after you’ve spoken, be quiet. Reflect. Read. Ask, “Lord, is this actually you leading me, or is this simply what I want?” Because when we desperately want something, we can make almost anything look like confirmation.

And ask yourself why you want what you’re praying for. There is nothing wrong with wanting marriage, financial security, a successful business or a beautiful life, the Lord knows I want all of that, . but if you’re asking for increase, perhaps also ask God for the character and capacity to carry it and steward it well.

Sometimes we’re asking God for the fruit while He is still working on our roots.

And what if His answer is no? Or not yet? 1 John 5:14 says that when we ask according to His will, He hears us, sometimes God answers exactly as we hoped and sometimes He doesn’t. That doesn’t automatically mean you prayed incorrectly.

That’s where trust comes in, sometimes we enter prayer asking God to change the situation and He starts changing us instead - have you ever experienced that? I have far too many times to count 👀.

Finally, when we say, “In Jesus’ name, Amen,” it isn’t simply the Christian way of ending a prayer. Jesus tells us in John 14:13 to ask in His name, and 1 Timothy 2:5 describes Jesus as the mediator between God and mankind. We come to the Father through Him.

So darling, don’t overcomplicate prayer. Thank God. Be honest. Ask for what you need. Use Scripture. Ask for wisdom. Make space and time. Listen. And leave room for His answer to be different from yours.

Maybe one of the simplest prayers is also one of the hardest:

“Lord, this is what I want. But more than what I want, I want what you want for me.”

Something to sit with this week

Do I genuinely want God’s will, or do I want God to bless the will I have already chosen for myself?

Find twenty quiet minutes this week and write your own prayer. Tell God what you’re thankful for, what you’re carrying and what you’re asking for. There is a list of scriptures below to help you, but do find a Scripture that genuinely speaks to it and finish by surrendering it back to Him.

Then darling, put the pen down for a minute.

Wisdom: James 1:5, Proverbs 3:5-6
Anxiety and peace: Philippians 4:6-7, 1 Peter 5:7
Healing: James 5:14-16, Psalm 103:2-3
Surrender: Matthew 26:39, Proverbs 3:5-6
Strength: Philippians 4:11-13, Isaiah 40:31
Provision: Matthew 6:31-33, Philippians 4:19
Marriage: Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:21-33
Forgiveness: Matthew 6:14-15, Ephesians 4:32
Breaking destructive patterns: Romans 12:2, Galatians 5:16
Spiritual warfare: Ephesians 6:10-18, James 4:7
Purpose: Ephesians 2:10, Proverbs 16:3
Guidance: Psalm 32:8, Proverbs 3:5-6
Generosity: 2 Corinthians 9:6-8
Waiting: Psalm 27:14, Isaiah 40:31
God's will: Matthew 6:10, 1 John 5:14

You’ve spoken. Make sure you leave some room to listen.

That's it from the boardroom this week.

Speak soon, God bless, 

Hannah-Curlita xx