Surrendering Control: Trusting God When You Cannot Control the Outcome

Hi darling, how are you?

Last week, we continued our conversation about submission and surrender. This time, we focused on one of the hardest things to release - control.

We identified that control does not always look unhealthy, sometimes it looks like being organised, responsible and prepared, all the things we think we are doing right. It can also sound like, “If I don’t do it, who will?”

Us women are such powerhouses! We are managing and juggling careers, businesses, marriages, families and countless other responsibilities, so many of us have become very, very good at making things happen. Well done, my darling!

That strength is not wrong. I actually commend you for it, but, sorry, there is a “but”, it can become a problem when we begin trusting our ability to manage everything more than we trust God. Sometimes we recognise when we are doing this, and sometimes we don’t.

The question we were left with was:

Do I genuinely trust God, or do I trust Him only while I can still control the outcome?

And this is where our discussion really started.

Sometimes we tell God that we have surrendered a situation, but we have already decided what the answer should be, what we want it to look like, when it should happen and how He should do it. We think we have given God the problem, but really, we are still holding tightly to the solution.

Does that sound like you? Because, at one point in my life, it definitely sounded like me.

Proverbs 3:5–6 tells us: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

This does not mean we should stop thinking, planning or using wisdom because, babe, please do use your head! The issue is not whether we have understanding, the issue is what we are actually leaning on.

I always say that people give advice through the lens of their own lives and experiences. Their advice may be valuable and come from a place of genuine care, but their path is not necessarily the path God has given you and neither are their choices ones you have made. We all have our own journey, and none of us can fully see or understand another person’s intentions. Only God can do that because He is omniscient, He knows absolutely everything.

Our experiences can teach us valuable lessons, but they can also make us expect the past to repeat itself. You may find yourself saying, “I cannot rely on anybody,” because people have previously disappointed you. You may believe, “If I don’t control it, it will go wrong,” because you have experienced instability.

But yesterday’s disappointment must not determine how you approach tomorrow.

If you are not careful, you can begin trusting your wounds more than you trust God. God may be asking you not only to surrender the present situation, but also to stop allowing past pain to predict your future.

Look at Sarah, Abraham and Hagar in Genesis 16. God promised Abraham his children, but as the years passed, Sarah could not see how that promise could possibly be fulfilled. So, she created another plan and took matters into her own hands.

Sarah was not necessarily rejecting God’s promise. In her own way, she was trying to help God fulfil it. But do you really think God needs our help? Do you know how mighty He is?!

We can do exactly the same thing. When God appears to be taking too long, we start “helping”. We send the message we know we should leave alone. We force a conversation. We return to a relationship because loneliness has become louder than wisdom. This is me telling you: do not reply to that “Hey, big head” text - DELETE IT!

We might accept an opportunity because we are frightened another one will not come, or make a rushed and impulsive financial decision because waiting feels too uncomfortable.

Then, we find ourselves having to manage the consequences of something we created because we became tired of waiting and relied on our own understanding instead of God’s.

Darling, let me tell you, there is a massive difference between moving with God and moving because you think God is taking too long.

This does not mean faith is passive, because it most definitely is not. There may be a phone call to make, an application to submit, a book to write, a boundary to put in or a conversation to have. Your responsibility is to obey and do your part properly. However, the outcome, the timing and the response of other people still belong to God.

Psalm 46:10 says: “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Being still does not simply mean sitting quietly, although I do love a bit of peace and quiet! Sometimes it means stopping your constant attempts to fix everything. You may not even realise that you are doing it because you have automatically gone into problem solving mode, which is naturally a woman's strength.

Being still can mean no longer rehearsing every conversation, predicting every possible outcome or asking ten different people what they think because you are frightened to sit quietly with God.

So, let me ask you the same question I asked the ladies:

Are you exhausted because life is genuinely demanding, or because you are trying to control things that were never yours to carry?

You cannot control another person’s heart, and you cannot force somebody to recognise your value. You can’t guarantee that everybody will understand you. This is something I really struggled with previously. You cannot prevent every disappointment or organise every detail of your future, although we would probably give it a good go.

Philippians 4:6-7 teaches us to bring everything to God through prayer and tells us that His peace will guard our hearts and minds. However, it does not promise that everything will happen exactly as we want it to.

If your peace only exists when everything goes your way, that may not actually be peace, my love. It may simply be relief.

God’s peace says, “I do not know what happens next, but I know who God is.”

That may require you to change the way you pray. Rather than always asking God to make another person change, perhaps you need to ask Him to show you how to respond to that person. Better yet, you may need to ask Him to reveal what is within you that still needs changing or working on.

Instead of asking God to make a relationship work simply because it is what you want, ask Him to reveal whether that relationship is actually right for you before you proceed.

You don’t need to keep asking God to make other people recognise your value, but you can ask Him to free you from needing their approval and validation. Rather than always asking God to fix everything quickly, perhaps your prayer should be for the wisdom, strength and grace you need while you wait.

Food for thought, right?

We also spoke about timing because many of us carry an internal list of what we think “should” have happened by now. You might find yourself thinking, “I should be married by now,” and I have to admit, I can be a little guilty of this one myself. Husband, if you ever read this, just know that I have been here doing the work, so if you would like to hurry up, that would be grand!

You may feel that you should have children by now, that your business should be further ahead, that you should be earning more or that you should have everything worked out by this stage of your life.

But according to whose timetable? It is a bit of a “check yourself” moment, isn’t it?

There is nothing wrong with having goals and desires, but they can’t become accusations against God. Waiting is not always wasted time, use it to prepare for what you are praying for or what God has promised because roots grow before fruit appears.

Sometimes God is not only preparing the answer for you. He is preparing you for the answer and, sometimes, to become the answer to somebody else’s prayer.

This week, I want you to think about one situation you have been trying to control. Be honest with yourself and ask, “What is genuinely my responsibility here, and what part of this belongs to God?”

There may be something you need to do, whether that is having a conversation, setting a boundary, making a decision or properly preparing for your next step. Whatever your part is, do it with wisdom and excellence.

Once you have done what is yours to do, release the outcome, the timing and the decisions of other people back to God. When your mind starts trying to take control of it again, remind yourself, “That is not mine to carry.”

Our prayer this week is simple:

Father, show me where fear has disguised itself as wisdom and where control has disguised itself as responsibility. Give me the wisdom to know when to move and when to be still. Help me to trust Your timing, Your closed doors, Your “no” and Your “not yet”. Once I have done what You have asked me to do, give me the grace to stand still and allow You to be God.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

That’s all from the boardroom this week. See you next time.

Love always,

Hannah-Curlita x